Parent Check Test

Ephesians 6:4 “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

God has given parents the responsibility of teaching character traits and Bible principles to their children. All human responses and attitudes are taught by parents. Children are programmed by how mom and dad did it. They are simply replicas of their parents. Dad sets the life style and mom the attitudes.

            Children also get their God-image (how they see God) from their parents. Those years at home watching how mom and dad act, talk and think molds the concept of that child’s thinking of God. For example, if you are too busy to bother with your children, they grow up feeling God is too busy to bother with them. In your pouting, they see God pouting. In your forgiveness, they see God’s forgiveness. In your mercy, they see God’s mercy. The depth of a child’s relationship with God is determined by the depth of the child’s relationship with his parents. A child who is distant from his parents will have a difficult time establishing a close relationship with God.

Proverbs 17:6 Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

Part 1

Ten Fatal Mistakes That Provoke A Child

            Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged..”

            Provoking a child is “buffeting” his soul. It’s like making him a punching bag. This causes a wounded spirit, which in turn produces anger, resentment, hatred, nervousness, frustration, and discouragement in a child. All of this causes him to go sour and turn bitter against all authority and head for trouble (dope, alcohol, sex, rebellion, run away).

            Test yourself. Give yourself from 0-10 points in the blank beside each number as you feel you are guilty of provoking your child. A zero means that you are not guilty at all. A ten means you are completely guilty.

_____ 1. Do you nag?

            Do you torment your child with constant fault-finding, scolding and urging? Do you constantly bring up his faults and weaknesses? Do you pick on him and scold him all the time? Do you constantly remind him of a mistake or blunder he made? Do you accuse him over and over? Are you forever reminding him of his responsibilities? Are you constantly prodding him to do his chores? Are you always putting him down? Do you try to cram your ideas and beliefs down his throat? Nagging produces anger.

____2. Do You Yell?

            Do you scream at him to get his attention? Do you have to yell to let him know that you mean business? Do you throw your voice with, “I’m gonna beat you half to death if you don’t straighten up.” Your yelling reveals your lack of self-control and in turn produces temper in him. He associates yelling with anger. When he gets angry he will yell too. Yelling produces nervousness.

____3. Do You Slap?

            Do you get angry and back-hand him? Do you lose your temper and slap him across the face or shoulder? Slapping is not a form of discipline. It is an impulsive reaction from losing your temper. Slapping produces hatred.

____4. Do You Pout?

            Do you go on a mad pout when he does something wrong? Do you keep bringing up his transgressions instead of administering proper discipline and forgetting it? Do you keep harping on it and throwing it up in his face by telling others who come along? Pouting is holding a grudge and refusing to forgive. Pouting produces hatred.

____5. Do You Discipline For The Wrong Reasons?

            Do you scold and reprimand for (1) accidental things, (2) unintentional things, (3) things done out of ignorance, (4) childish things (wetting the bed, not eating all the food in his plate, arguing with sister, forgetting to do a responsibility) (5) failing to attain or achieve? (making a bad grade in school, failing to make the football team) These situations become your opportunity to give instruction, explanation, and teaching. And it should be given in love and tenderness. This is where you win or lose them for the future. It will determine whether you’ll have any kind of relationship with them after they are married and gone. They will not forget your unreasonable reactions to their honest mistakes and unintentional blunders. Leniency shown here will make points with them when it counts later. So count the cost.

            The things a child should be disciplined for are: (1) smart-talking you. (sassing you, giving lip to you or any adult) (2) defiance, (3) lying, (4) stealing, (5) cursing, (6) continuous disregard to your instructions. Then they should be spanked properly; (in private, with a belt or switch, and thoroughly on the seat, and afterwards loved physically and prayed with).

_____6. Do You Discipline In Anger?

            Do you spank in anger, throwing your voice, cursing, or making wild threats? Do you grab the child up on the spot and whay-lay the daylights out of him in a burst of anger? Do you , out of fear (having been frightened by what he did…running out in the road) jerk him up and whay-lay him out of fear and anger? Do you , (when angry), wait awhile and cool off before spanking? This waiting period is better for him too in that he will have more time to meditate on his transgression. To spank in anger produces anger.

____7. Do You Punish Him For Another Child’s Mischief? (produces hatred)

            If both children are playing and one grabs the fish bowl and throws it down on the floor and breaks it, do you give both children a spanking? Suppose you have company and the company’s child is up jumping on your new bedspread with muddy shoes…do you go in and scold your little Johnny (who is innocent) because you felt it would be unethical to reprimand your company’s child? Do you vent your anger by jumping on your own child hoping the neighbor kid will get the point or that his momma will come and get him? Do you punish him to impress someone?

____8. Do You Gloss Over When You’ve Wronged Him?

            When you have mistreated or mis-judged your child, do you ignore it and take it lightly or do you apologize to him? When you lose your temper or set a bad example in his presence, do you humble yourself and ask his forgiveness? When you forgot to take him on a trip or fulfill a promise, do you gloss over or make it right? If you gloss over, you are teaching him to gloss over also. This wounds his spirit and makes him bitter.

____9. Do You Humiliate Him?

            Do you reprimand him or chew him out in front of his friends? Do you make him perform for you friends? Do you spy on him, read his mail, monitor his phone calls, follow him like the FBI, or pilfer through his belongings? Do you “mother him” in front of his friends? Do you reveal his embarrassing weaknesses to others? Do you pop up at social functions and embarrass him before his peer groups?

____10. Do You Give Off Hate Vibrations?

            The Bible tells us in I Cor. 13 that charity is kind, patient, never selfish, never rude, not irritable, does not hold a grudge.

Now you may say you love him, however, if your whole countenance gives off hate vibrations, (rudeness, irritability, selfishness, impatience,) he knows you are a phony. He knows you deal in hate commodities. Are you rude with him? Are you unkind to him? Do you pout and hold grudges against him? These are hate vibrations. These are hate commodities—the opposite of love. Which commodity are you using with your children?

Part 2

Ten Things That Produce An Inferiority Complex In Your Child

            An inferiority complex is a bad self-image. It’s when a child cannot accept himself. And if he can’t accept himself, he can’t accept others. A child with an inferiority complex sees himself as under par, inferior, incomplete, and not whole. Consequently, he is competitive-always comparing himself with others. This type child is always comparing himself with others in these four areas (1) Appearance  (looks, nose, skin, size, hair) (2) Aptitude (skills, talents, mentality) (3) Parentage  (whether parents or other relatives are celebrities, prestigious or drunks, dope addicts) and (4) Social heritage (house, job, circle of friends). He begins to build his life structure around these things, seeking to be superior—better than his peers. These things become his GOALS in life. Do you see the danger? His life style becomes shallow as his values center around the temporal things.

            The reason that it is so devastating to raise a child to have an inferior complex is: (1) It makes him marry a person because she is superior in one of these four areas. He begins to look for the wrong things in a spouse. He should be concerned about character qualities and spiritual growth. (2) It puts him in a financial dilemma all his life. He’s got to keep up with the Jones. He’s always trying to impress his friends so he’ll get in debt to maintain a certain social status. (3) It will cause him to go into a vocation for prestige only. He will think he’s really something, but when he gets to the top he will find that it was all “cotton candy”, “foam on the water”, “a dead end street”.  He will still be empty- unsatisfied. (4) Eventually, he will have to compromise his convictions to reach his goal. One compromise leads to another.

            Test yourself. Give yourself 0-10 points in the blank beside each number as you feel you are guilty of producing an inferiority complex in your child. A zero means that you are not guilty at all. A ten means you are completely guilty.

____1. Do You Ignore His Efforts?

            Do you fail to compliment him for trying? Do you fail to brag on him for his achievements? Do you fail to notice when he does a chore without being asked? Do you fail to notice his good points and praise him?

____2. Do You Put Him Under The Other Parent’s Convictions?

            Do you say, “No Johnny, if Jimmy’s parents won’t let him do it then you can’t either.” this works in the reverse also. Just because Jimmy’s parents will let him do it, it doesn’t mean your Johnny should do it. Do you fail to study each situation individually in the light of God’s Word? Do you fail to restrict or give freedom based upon your conviction and guidance from your spiritual leaders?

____3. Do You React To What He Does Rather Than Find Out What Motivated Him To Do It?

            Do you fail to try to know his heart and what makes him tick? Do you fail to discern his inward motivation and spirit? Do you fail to show as much patience and consideration to him as you do to your close friends?

____4. Do You Fail To Show Him Physical Affection?

            Do you fail to put your arm around him, touching him? Do you fail to tell him, I love you, Jimmy. You mean a lot to me. I sure do thank God for giving you to us. Our home would never be the same without you” Do you hug him-kiss him? However don’t make him hug or kiss you. Let him do it voluntarily.

____5. Do You Substitute Money, Gifts, And Permissiveness For Time, Love And Friendship?

            Do you fail to take time for your child- to answer his questions, to explain, to solve his problems, to play with him, to pray and read scripture with him? Do you fail to maintain a friendship with your child? If you don’t it’s because you are not willing to show him the common courtesies you show your friends—consideration, patience, doing favors for. Is he as important as your friends?

____6. Do You Give All Your Children Blanket Treatment?

            Rather than try to meet the individual child’s needs, do you treat one child the same as another? Do you expect the same from each child? Do you say, “Jim, Freddy made the football team. Why can’t you?”  “Susie, since Mary is doing so well on the piano, I think I’ll give you lessons too.”  “Bob, Jerry got his college degree. Why don’t you want to?”  You should be a different parent to each child. They didn’t come from the same mold and they don’t always think alike.

____7. Do You Belittle Your Child?

            Do you call him names like, “lazy, slouch” , “Stupid Dumbbell”, “bird brain”, “scaredy cat”? Do you make fun of his imperfections by calling him names like “freckles”, “bucktooth”, “fatty”, ect? Giving nicknames that earmark their flaws will produce inferiority. He needs to know that you have confidence in him, that you are proud of him. he needs to hear you speak well of him.

____8. Do You Reveal The Boundary Of Your Love For Him?

            Do you tell your child that there are certain things that if he ever does, you will disown him? Here’s what you’re doing: You know how it is when you say, “I’ll never do that.” Sure enough we do it. In setting a boundary for your love to your child, you are setting the stage for that very thing to happen. First, you’re challenging Satan to push whatever limit you have set as a boundary. You’re saying, “Satan, I’ll tell you what you can do if you want to get my child. Just make her get pregnant, or just get him smoking pot.” And you know what? The devil accepts your challenge and goes to work. It’s almost as if you gave him a battle plan. Second, you’re tempting your child to put you to the test. He wants to know of you really would kick him out if he crossed your boundary.

 ____9. Do You Make Him Side With You Against The Other Parent?

          Do you put him against his father? Do you criticize his father to him, telling how his father mistreats you? Do you criticize other family members to him? Do you argue and fight with your mate in his presence?

____10. Do You Poor-Boy It With Your Children?

          Are you always discussing your financial problems in the presence of your children? Do you always say no, by explaining that you don’t have the money? Do you let the house become an eye sore-dirty, un-kept, and in need of repairs and blame it on being poor or no money? Do you fail to allot money for things that really count (lunch money, school supplies, uniform, nice clothes, trip expenses, games, nice furniture or paint for the old, small decorating items, bicycle, etc.)? Do you cut corners in areas where it really embarrasses them?